Relaxing the Over-Controller

I caught myself in a mental shit storm today.

Stuck in traffic. Cursing the city (poor Sydney!).

Wishing I was way ahead and thinking I should be somewhere other than right here.

And then the penny dropped (finally this mindfulness stuff is really working) and I was reminded of a philosophy, thought and idea that I’d taught in a workshop at Flow Athletic only a few months ago, ‘Relaxing the Over Controller – cultivating Ease & Flow’.

What if we think we’re in control of our lives but really we’re just ‘being done’?

What if the control is keeping us from our full potential?

And what if, in fact, there’s a mysterious wave of life force waiting patiently for us to fall into and catch the ride of our lives with?

So often I rush around on my way somewhere, being someone and I can get lost in self-importance. I forget the bigger picture and become the protagonist in my own drama. But I have a hunch that that is only closing me off to this great mystery.

Clearly these stubborn minds of ours have a hard time accepting impermanence and that every thing (relationships, human beings, plants, animals, chapters in our lives) has a beginning, middle and end. But we clamp down and resist this. Because we’ve learnt that change can be really scary.

And when we’re met with resistance like this, this is what tends to happens:

• We tighten the body so much that we’re like a bunch of tense muscles – tensing against our existence; tensing against the moment
• We create an illusion of control by thinking and staying busy – this is the illusion that we’re in control
• We grasp and hold onto our possessions

I know what some of you are thinking…”but if we surrender completely, isn’t that just letting life happen to us? Isn’t that just wasting our time? I have goals to hit and milestones to cross and I want to plan and manifest because I’m a creative human being.” And that you are. Not for a second do I think we should ditch the goal digging, nor the vision boarding, nor the visualisations of how freakin’ amazing our lives are and are going to be. But perhaps what I’m suggesting is that we’re open to the magic of how it comes to be.

And maybe, just maybe….If our goals and dreams aren’t fulfilled, perhaps the universe has something far more mysterious and magical in store for us. Our job is to guide this empty vessel, take care of our bodies, make meaningful, heartfelt connections, stand up for what we believe in and take full responsibility for our actions BUT to also pepper into our existence playfulness, joy, a sense of wonder and perhaps the question, “What can I un-learn today so that I can be open to new opportunities, people and places.” Who knows what’s around the corner?

Maybe these tips can help to cultivate more Ease & Flow and reignite sense of wonder and awe just bursting to bust out of that heart of yours:

• Choosing to wake each day willing to press the rest button, asking the question, “What can I un-learn today? How can I be open?”
• Rituals – what keeps you feeling grounded and ‘connected’ to this mysterious life force (that I know you know exists!)
• When change feels unsafe, remind yourself that everything has a cycle – from our breath, to nature, projects and relationships. We were born to create and destroy, create & destroy, create and destroy. When we realise this – life gets way more fun.
• Stay curious. Ask questions, listen, do what pulls you and what lights you up.

Extra tip: for those that practice yoga, try applying equal parts effort to ease in all your postures. And by that I mean, when holding a posture; activate what needs to be active without over gripping and soften what isn’t required (perhaps the muscles in your face, your brain you shoulders.) It’s a delicate dance between doing and being.